Thursday, May 25, 2017

as I am.

I am too tired, too damaged and too depressed
too valuable, really
to do anything other than this.
You are my closest friend
I don't want anything other than friendship
and you are willing
to do this.
You don't demand more from me
than this truth that I finally concede to
You are steady.
All I need
is a steady friend
who doesn't have a friend above me
to give more of their time to.
I know that's selfish
but that's just what I need
and you're okay with me
as I am.
as I am.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Sea Life

leaves and ships and heavy blossoms
wharfs and docks and heavy skirts
planks and pearls and whalebones
Where is my heart from?

Shade and sterns and tankers
lay the paper map out in the
small light of the porthole
see how far we'll go

New worlds of dreams in mind
approach the body in reality
long journeys bring broad tangible knowledge
to set sail was like
taking a course today
but guaranteed a life change
during and after
the trip.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Are You a Woman or a Worm

1 Car Load
ANYTHING you Leave behind, is no longer a possession you can keep.

Can I do it

How do I express myself
skin all bumpy with
pushed down ideas
never released
I can't seem to explode

I carved a path
for someone else to roam
it makes it easier
for me to follow

I don't want to look back
I don't want to return
let them do what they will
it isn't my life to
impress a presence on the room

Let me leave
and never look back
May I feel better
May I get fucking better!!

So tired of being sick
This life is making me sick
so down anyone can make a dent
so down anyone can circumvent
my boundaries
until I am not a person
but a worm.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Ego Schemes

sad lonesome white screen
who won't hurt
who won't disappoint
a relationship = having plans
saves you from
the isolation
the boredom
but that isn't love
who is a worthy companion
interesting, clean, and loving
in a crowd of

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Bring me down

Horribly depressed - I can't describe
What brings me down this way
this fast
When I'm not appreciated
When no cares about what I do
or if I stay
It's just this urge
to be cherished
to have fun
to feel good about something
that deserves it
Something good to the core
I dig and dig and get down to
a rotten knot
that lay in wait
for me to find it

It just brings me down

Monday, May 15, 2017

Stop Pretending

I used to feel love
that meant something
was actually changing
but now I can feel things
and do things
and everything remains.

I used to have an identity
and identity through those I loved
and what we did
my experiences
but now I am a cloud
that can pass through anything
and let others come through
the particles don't change
they only move
to make room.

Now it's like I am waiting
for the end of the endless days
so that I can stop being ungrateful
stop the sea of numb
stop looking and feeling worse
and stop pretending.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Dick Politics

Bullshit double standard work dynamics
Oh yeah, it's all in our heads
you aren't really getting all heated
because you are mad that you're dick
in getting involved in your business decisions.

Make out that I'M difficult or demanding, when I'm just better at my job than you.